Friday, June 10, 2016

The Truth About Not Having a Boyfriend

Take a look at me standing at an event like high school prom amongst hundreds of girls in gorgeous dresses and try to point out what makes me different. Is it the flats I'm wearing instead of heels or is it the fact that I opted out of the winged eyeliner for my makeup, but the truth is it's not the mere physical attributes that make me different. The thing that sets me so distinctly apart is something you can't see at all. It's the fact that I have never had a boyfriend. A meaningless separation that has me constantly wondering, why I feel so different and left out. The truth about not having a boyfriend is constant feelings of partly cloudy weather. It's dark and gloomy at times and perfectly sunny at others, usually while retaining a nice steady temperature. I like to say it creates a constant life. There's no heartbreak, but there also is no deep passion. There's no sadness, but there also is no excitement. There's the occasional crush or conversation that gets your heart beating, the sunny day; as well as the unanswered text message or the ignored friend request that completely clouds your day. But neither of these make much of an impact on your life, you get over them within a day if not a few hours. With that said not having a boyfriend saves you from a lot of uncertainty, but it's not a forever plan. Everyone needs someone to love them and care about them and everyone needs someone to love and to care about. This is the main lesson I have learned; you need someone that helps you celebrate the good days and makes the bad days bearable. But yes, it takes some people longer than others and that is ok. There is not a right time for anything to happen. You may have had a boyfriend attached at your hip since you were 11, or you may have been selective, holding out for the right person to come along. There is nothing wrong with either one, it's whatever is right for you. As long as you are an affectionate and caring person, I guarantee love will find you but only when you're ready for it. 

Now I just wanted to share my personal story. Here's the reality, I just graduated high school and I have never had a boyfriend. So I have been through just about every emotion related to not having a boyfriend. I spent a lot of years not caring and a lot of years caring way too much about whether or not I had a boyfriend. There have been tears shed, but there have also been jokes cracked and smiles shared. I always think back to the holiday season, when I have to talk to my family I haven't seen in 6 months and explain the inevitable question of my relationship status. The answer has always been single, but the way I felt about it has not always been the same. I wish I could say that I went from caring too much to not caring at all, but I sadly have to say it was the opposite for me. I never really cared in middle school and my first two years of high school, I guess it was the fact that I knew that I wasn't the only one. But as the years progressed I began to feel more and more isolated. The cousins who always were asking were now sitting there with their beaus, happy and smiling while I sat there not knowing what it feels like. And I began to feel more and more self-conscious and alone. It wasn't anyone's fault, of course, it was just the growing pressure of what I was supposed to be like. The reality for me was I was never ready to have a boyfriend before because I had no idea who I truly was. But you don't need a reason to not have a boyfriend all you need is acceptance and patience. It has only been in the last 4-5 months when I truly feel that I have the capacity to love and care for someone else. I'm confident love will find me when I'm ready and until then I am happy making the most of every day I am given. 

So if there is anyone else out there who has never had a boyfriend, I just wanted to write the post to let you know you aren't alone and that you aren't weird. The pain you feel some days and the joy you feel other days is just the reality of life nothing more. One day when you're lying in bed with the man that makes you the happiest girl in the world, and you will never look back and question why you didn't have a boyfriend at 18 because in the grand scheme of life it doesn't matter. You'll be married for 40 years and dancing around your kitchen happy, dreaming about the future, not the past. Your happiness is out there whether you find it 2 days, 2 months or 2 years from now, I promise you it's there waiting for you, just be patient. 

3 comments:

  1. Thank you SO much for writing this! I am in the exact same situation that you described, and you definitely hit it spot on, but this just gave me a lot more peace of mind and patience for the future!! :)

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    1. I'm so glad this was helpful! Waiting is tough but it's worth it in the end.

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  2. I can definitely relate to this. I'm 27 and I've never had a boyfriend. Guys didn't really start to notice me until college, I put guys into friend zone wayyyy too fast. :/ I think it's because something good might happen.. why would I want that? -_- I am a stronger woman now and I've never been one to feel like I need a boyfriend, although it would be nice... lol.

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