Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Head vs. Heart

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Recently I have encountered an internal dilemma, simply put I don’t know whether to follow my head or my heart. I think about following my head, the logical thing to-do. To think everything through analyze every detail and not spare a single thought. But then I think about the heart. The idea of following what feels right and trusting in the future of what something has the potential to be. My personality tells me to follow my head, to be logical about the situation. To weigh the costs and benefits and take the way that will spare me the least pain. But the real concern for me is regret, and I feel that following your head leads to regret, due simply to missed opportunities. You end up overanalyzing your life away. Following your heart puts your feelings out there and makes your risk pain, but you leave the situation knowing there is nothing more that could be done, all your options have been exhausted. You get an answer.

I finished high school with a lot of regret because I followed my head. I always chose the safe route: studying instead of hanging out with friends, sticking with the same people instead of meeting new ones. And I can’t deny that it worked, I got where I wanted to be. But while I was happy in high school, I can’t help but feel regret about how things could have been different. I wonder what it would have been like if I had simply followed my heart. Would I have spent less weekends home? Would I have had a big group of friends? And I wonder, was the purpose of high school to teach me not to make the same mistake again in college and life?

So I came to college desperate to be different, desperate to be spontaneous and do things I would have never done in high school. To say yes when I would normally say no. To be bold, to be confident, to not be afraid to be the person I want to become. I want to follow my heart; I want to take the risk. So when this dilemma came up I became torn because I knew what the safe option was and I desperately wanted to choose it. I want to avoid the possibility of pain and discomfort. But in reality I know that I really should choose my heart because I don’t want to feel regret. I don’t want to look back on it, and wonder if it was something that could have been. I want to risk pain for the possibility of creating something great.

Life is not clear cut, but I think life is about pushing yourself. Some people may need a push to start using their head, while some people like me need help following their heart. I’m scared to take the risk, but I know it is something that I have to do. In the end, I take comfort in knowing everything happens for a reason.

1 comment:

  1. My high school days were mostly spent in the same manner. Staying at home, studying and not going out with friends. I didn't have a big group of friends, either, when I was in school. And while I don't regret it, I do sometimes wish I had spent at least some of the weekends outside my home with friends.