Wednesday, March 29, 2017

A Letter to the Boy I Never Dated

First of all, I want to say thank you. Thank you for making my heart beat a little faster, for making me wake up a little happier in the morning, and for showing me that it's okay to take a chance. Even if it was only for a short time, so much of your being brought me happiness and for that, I will be forever grateful. And I can say that you will always hold a portion of my heart.

The hardest part is looking at you and seeing the potential. Seeing someone I want to confide and take comfort in. Someone I want to spend fun nights out with but also someone who I just want to hang out with in my pajamas. I wanted nothing more than to call you mine. With every silly conversation and funny dance move, I found myself falling for you. 

You brought a smile to my face that I had never seen before. And that made it so much harder when I learned you didn't feel the same way. My heart broke and I was embarrassed; quite honestly all I wanted to do was get in bed and pull the covers over my head. On one hand, I hoped to never have to see you again, but on the other hand I hoped you'd show up at my door and tell me it was all a misunderstanding. I knew that wasn't going to happen and I decided the best possible thing would be to stop hoping, stop fantasizing and tell myself that I deserve better.

I know I deserve better than a guy that doesn't care about me. I haven't yet accepted this but I am getting there. I'm glad that I wasn't afraid to take a risk. In my mind, you won't be the guy that broke my heart but the guy that pushed me out of my comfort zone, that made me laugh on a Friday night after a long week, and that made me feel incredibly special. You're a great guy and I know that; we simply were not meant to be. 

Who would have known that I could have my heart broken by a guy I never dated? But I did and that's okay. And now I'm slowly learning to not think about how special you made me feel, and I'm telling myself that I'll be okay. Because I know the more I tell myself that eventually, I will begin to believe it. You broke my heart and it hurts but I know I will be okay because there are better things ahead, there always are.

The girl with the crush


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  3. I have accepted it for what it is, but part of me has a sliver of hope and i’m trying to get rid of it. I left for vacation for a week, and i found myself missing him more