Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Conquering Fear & Doubt

I wanted to write this post because I know I thought about it a lot at this time last year. Despite the fact that I absolutely love my school, there were moments when I doubted my decision to go out of state to college. There were moments when I genuinely wondered if I was making a huge mistake. And there frankly are moments when I wonder if maybe I should transfer. But the reality is I was just scared, I still am scared. Nothing is ever going to be perfect and running away is definitely not a solution.

When you’re about to make a big change especially away from something that is comfortable. Often times you may doubt your decision. I did over and over again. I doubted my decision as I saw all of my friends from high school moving into their dorms together, and if they weren’t at school together they were only a short drive away. But I was moving 5 hours away, knowing that those promised visits would never be carried through and I was starting over alone. I was scared. I doubted my decision as I saw how tiny my dorm room was, I doubted my decision as I had to say goodbye to my parents. But I persevered, I took the leap and I couldn’t be happier that I did.

I got to school and I doubted myself as I struggled to keep up with the heavy work load and still have fun. I felt that maybe I wasn’t smart enough to do well in a competitive school. I felt that maybe I wasn’t outgoing enough to survive in the culture here. I wondered if the expensive tuition was actually worth it. And while some days the doubt did nothing but plague my mind, other days I laughed with my friends and got an A on a paper. Something good always happened, I’d always realize just how much I love the place I get to call home. I’m not going to lie it’s not always easy but no matter how bad it gets I’m always able to find something positive that keeps me going.

I guess the point of this post is simply to let you all know that it’s okay to doubt yourself and question your decisions. But that it is important not to give into fear but to simply embrace it and find the beauty in every situation. Despite my fear and doubt I still have had the most rewarding college experience and I’m so happy that I pushed myself outside of my comfort zone.

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